Understanding the emotional side of bedwetting
When a child or teenager continues to wet the bed beyond the expected age, it can be frustrating, confusing, and, let’s be honest—exhausting for parents. Many of the commonly shared tips make practical sense: drink more water during the day, reduce screen time before bed, use the bathroom right before sleep. These strategies are helpful, and I certainly encourage them.
But what if your child is still wetting the bed despite doing everything right?
This is where it’s time to look beyond the bladder—and start listening to the body’s deeper messages.
The Mind-Body Connection
Bedwetting, or enuresis, isn’t just a physical issue. For many children, especially those beyond the age of five or six, it can be a sign of underlying emotional tension or stress—something the child may not yet have the language or maturity to express directly. In my work as a psychotherapist, I’ve seen time and again how the subconscious mind uses the body to speak when words fail.
This doesn’t mean your child is “choosing” to wet the bed or being lazy. Far from it. Bedwetting is usually not within the child’s conscious control. But it can be a psychosomatic response—where emotional stress manifests in a physical way.
What Might Be Going On?
Children experience the world very differently than adults do. What may seem minor or manageable to us—a change in school routine, the arrival of a new sibling, parental arguments, or even simply the pressure to perform academically—can feel overwhelming to them. And for some children, those emotions may be expressed in nighttime accidents.
Younger children may not yet know how to process feelings like fear, anxiety, guilt, or shame. And teenagers, though more verbal, often experience a great deal of inner conflict as they navigate their way toward independence and identity. Bedwetting at this stage can be particularly distressing—and can seriously affect their confidence and social life.
It’s also important to note that some children who wet the bed are what we call “deep sleepers.” But what makes a child sleep so heavily? Often, it’s a kind of psychological ‘switching off’—a deep need to escape from overthinking or overwhelm.
So, What Can Parents Do?
Rather than focusing solely on behaviour charts or alarms, consider gently exploring what might be going on emotionally for your child. Ask yourself:
Has there been any change or stress in the family recently?
Is your child under pressure at school?
Have there been subtle shifts in their friendships or routines?
You don’t need to conduct a formal interrogation. In fact, bedwetting is best approached without blame or shame. A good starting point is to create a calm, supportive environment where your child feels safe expressing themselves. Sometimes the question isn’t, “Why are you still wetting the bed?” but rather, “How are you feeling lately?”
The Role of the Subconscious Mind
One reason I’ve helped so many children overcome bedwetting is that I address not just the physical habits, but also the unconscious patterns that may be contributing. Our subconscious mind controls automatic functions—like blinking, breathing, and yes, bladder control during sleep.
If a child’s subconscious mind is ‘wired’ to believe that bedwetting is expected or normal for them, they may continue the behaviour out of habit, even when their body is physically capable of staying dry. Helping a child reframe their self-image—and see themselves as a “dry” person—can be a powerful step forward.
This is why techniques such as guided visualisation, gentle suggestion, and even simple language shifts can make a significant difference. For example, instead of saying, “Let’s hope you stay dry tonight,” you might say, “You’re getting really good at being dry every night.”
A Compassionate Approach
Above all, remember: your child isn’t broken. They don’t need fixing—they need understanding. Bedwetting is a temporary phase, not a reflection of failure on their part or yours. By looking at the whole child—not just the symptom—you’ll be better equipped to help them through this challenge with patience and empathy.
And if you're feeling stuck, know that help is available. There are solutions beyond the surface level—ones that involve tuning in, rather than tightening up.
Because when we help children feel safe, heard, and in control, their bodies often respond in kind.
Alicia Eaton is the author of the best-selling book ‘Stop Bedwetting in 7 Days’ and two online programmes: Stop Bedwetting in 7 Days for 5-12 year olds, and My Dry Bed for teenagers.